So i am listening to this lyrical song by Ed Sheeran. “New man”.
“You were the type of girl who sat beside the water readin’
Eatin’ a packet of crisp, but you will never find you cheatin’
Now you’re eatin’ kale, hittin’ the gym keepin’ up with Kylie and Kim
In the back of the club, kissin’ a boy that ain’t him
Okay, you need to be alone
And if you wanna talk about it, you can call my phone
I just thought I would tell you, ’cause oughta know
You’re still a young girl tryin’ to be loved”
I am having these thoughts. Deep thoughts about people who matter in my cosmos. And it’s just so ironic about the lives that have breezed around me and how many lives that i have touched. Yet there are just a few lives that made an impact. Momentous and marvellous in their own ways. Each different from other. Best friends , soul sister , high school lover and even a passerby whom i met on a train.
The irony is that they made an impact. Metamorphosed me. Made me an identity within myself and yet they are so far away. Moving places. Bad choices. Some are now just ” happy Diwali” messages in my unread inbox.
Yet, on nights like these when i feel i am lost beyond the range of being found. Broken beyond repair or maybe just overthinking because of lost passion. I have glistening eyes. Remembering all of them. Because they just bring sanity to my my madness. Like a warm tea in the coldest of winters , when all of my existence is freezing. Melting me.
Bringing my being to life. I know they are far away . This is just a feeble attempt to thank them. Or maybe just a beautiful thought.
Ed Sheeran does that . You know.
Breaks me makes me.
That’s the thing about his songs.
They lead my heart to places that removes the numbness
You meet life. Somewhere, sometime down the road of the trajectory of living.
You meet life in the juncture of those songs that drape you in a nostalgic vacation journey with your family. When you leap into that fairytale.
You meet life when it’s 4:00 a.m and you are electrified, over the phone because you uncovered a newfound secret of your best friend of seven years.
You meet life on those rendezvous with an old friend ,over a drive where you chase the dawn, emancipated of those terrible nightmares you were having the previous night.
You meet life in a small shack on the sea shore, when your legs are dangling over the few feet between you and the raw sand and you see her. The one with the yellow sundress and freckled nose.
You meet life when inspite of failing multiple times in your college . You get your serendipity when at 30 ,you brag about the glitter of your life when you were nineteen ,to those league 2 first bench mates over a contingency at the bar . The bunks , the weight gain and all sorts of legendary things.
You meet life when in season 5 Ted removes the curtain about the baggage that we carry ,when Dumbledore made us believe in the stardust of love and Ed’s ” We keep this love in a photograph .We made these memories for ourselves”.
You meet life when your heart breaks into shreds the first time when they walk apart and the soul becomes a labyrinth ,only to realise that somethings are not eternal. That most of the pains and troubles are evanescent .
You meet life at where instances in your life. The first salary. The morning prayer. The felicity of dawns. The rawness of the first shot of whiskey. 100/100. Stars by teachers. Love letters and afternoon sleeps. You meet life everyday.
But life meets you when you decide to cease that day and go on with that day as a talisman to apprehend the next ones.
This one is for all those who don’t sleep at the darkest hours of night. Constantly thinking and pondering about how to change the circumstances in their lives. Or how to be back to how they were before they got their heart drenched. This is for those who might have been out of the eye of the storm but are still in the aftershocks of that tempest and trying to put their pieces back together. For those who think a lot, cry a lot, break a lot. Who are mostly sad but smile too. For those who try to speak their heart. Who are there in the whirlpool of salts around their eyes. Who think about how to stop thinking.
You aren’t weak like people assume you are! You are strong and brave and courageous to try to fix yourself up. You have the strength of the universe that the god has bestowed on a very few. The sense of feeling. Empathy. Sympathy. You are selfish and yet so selfless. You love with every cell in your anatomy. Even if you are breaking. You wake up every morning to think that today will be special. Because you don’t stop thinking you don’t give up and do you know how hard it is to not give up? . You have hope all around your aura. You make mistakes and you regret them and apologise to yourself at the night because you have the power to be better. You don’t have a cold heart , you never had , you never will .it is soft like a ripe mango in the summers. Because those who tell us that we are stupid enough to feel so much don’t understand that it takes infernos and blizzards to feel that kind of emotions.You are the writers, the poets and the philosophers. You are born in your faults or overthinking as they say but you float in epiphanies every night. You live to live the mesmerising beauty of emotions.
Just believe in the powers it gives you.
“I am madly in love with him.”. I am sure people hear this phrase often to take it seriously these days . But it does exist . The mad love, the passion , the fire and the peace exist as the electrons of an atom which is going to react with your life soon
Like a shipwreck it will sink you to the depths of the massive ocean and the most thrilling part will be the fall. You’ll love it. You’ll love being sucked out of oxygen and the drumming of your fragile heart. You’ll love the numbing of your mind and there will only be a single name resonating within all the cells of your anatomy. That is the feeling of love.
Atleast that’s what i have heard. I am not much of a philosopher or romanticist to give out the delicate details , but i have been in love, or atleast i think so and it surely is amazing. But what most people ignore in those flattery romantic quotes is the heartbreak , the shattering of your world , the collapse of your universe. The ultimate destruction.
When we love someone to the extent that we cannot think about anything except how to keep them happy. And just in case it is not mutual to the same depth. We write our own sorrows. Night and day we will wait for the calls that will not come. It’s going to be terrible. Wishing that the boy you care so much about , atleast notices your sadness once. You will want efforts and you will want to turn the sails and winds and the cosmos for them and not want things to just go with the flow. Unrequited sounds so fascinating when written but such a beautiful word has an equally evil meaning in the real life. When you don’t get the love you give, you break day after day . Meals after meals. You will always be second on their list. You will always be considered after the others . You will forget about your friends ,your family and your entire existence. You will be misunderstood by the one you love, you’ll self harm , you’ll crumble like ashes .
It’s not easy . It’s the worst path you’ll have to go through. In the middle of the night you will call him and tell him about how you feel and he won’t understand. How can he? He is not in love with you.
And you know what is the worst part. You will hate yourself. You will ruin your career . Your expectations. You will lose your glitter.
So whoever is reading this.
I will just say that being is love is good • But you definitely cannot stay in love with a person who doesn’t feel the same without hurting yourself.
There are contintents which are yet to be seen by you, monuments yet to be wandered. Poems still to be read and love yet to be found.
I know you think he is the one ,and he might be the one for you but darling you deserve so much more. And he still is learning to read faces instead of hearts. You have your parents , you have your friends. You have those amazing sitcoms to cheer you up. You have the hot chocolate. You have the roadtrips . You have those flirty letters from classmates. You have the eyes in which that one guy will sink and you have the heart of the universe. You are special . And just in case you don’t feel that with someone. Leave him. Give it a break . Breathe listen to the silence and speak to the god. Your answer will be there.
Soulmates exist. Wait for him. When the time will be right he will come around . And just in case this guy you are in love with is that one , he will understand today or tomorrow, but he will. Just don’t let him make a habit out of you❤
Have you ever felt lost?
I am sure you have. People feel lost often . Sometimes for a few minutes or days and sometimes maybe months. Years. The thing is being lost is not all that bad. It’s natural human nature to scrounge for the soul’s appetite. What matters is how long can you hold yourself together for that lost period. And if you feel you are losing that leash over yourself completely and just one more fall in your life is going to take you down. Then my dear, it’s going to affect your mental health terribly.
I won’t deny that i feel i am lost. That i think i am lonely and nobody is here to rescue me. In movies there are those cute guys with goofy grins who help you pass put of that phase of depression. And in stories you read about those amazing friends who take you on a roadtrip when you are low on life. But reality is far astray. No one actually comes to help you. If people think you are upset they are not going to come and give you the medicine of peace . They might help you for like 10 days and then they will give up. Nobody is going to come and hold you when you are breaking down. Infact everyone will be busy sorting their own messes to care .
I know this is too harsh to accept but then it’s the truth . So what are we supposed to do? Give in to the feeling. Let it kill us slowly with the emotional pain!? Let the amount of love and effort our parents put in to bring us in this world go vain?
Ofcourse not! right? I mean how can we lose. Our race is the strongest in this universe. Our destinies are more or less made than written. So when the time comes, when you feel you are breaking down. Set the sails high. Pull yourself together. Steer clear of every negative person in your life. Because that thought of being lost will hang around your neck like an albatross as long as you give it the chance to. Read . Write. Talk to your parents. And i know i did say that people are not available always but those who care might take out some time to talk to us. Talk to them. Pray. Because there is no amount of positive energy that will course in your veins greater than the one that comes through praying. Remember that the night is always the darkest before the beauty of the cascading dawn. Remember that the crawling caterpillar finally flies one day. Go out on self dates. Help the poor. Help yourself by allowing your heart to be busy in loving the underpriviliged. Eat healthy. Learn to cook. Get an ambition. A desire like the one those kids in nursery have . Take a stroll on a serene beach. Paint. Do not just give up and be upset about your monotonous life. Because it’s going to get better only If you feel it will. Breathe the morning air. Stop snoozing your alarm. Talk to yourself every night and thank your soul for not giving up.
Just like a single star in this vivid universe has the power to collapse into a gargantua and swallow a lot of things that matter in it. Just like that tiny star comapared to this cosmos has the power to consummate it . So do you. With the power to move this world. Just hang on.
Being someone’s temporary is really easy. A piece of cake .Like you don’t even have to try but being someone’s constant is really difficult. You get those lessons as you traverse in your life. But the lessons are just not enough. You don’t have the one thing that is required to be happy and constant. Courage.
This important person , gave me a whole piece of thesis about who i am. And what i lack! And how true it is. It went on something like this.
“Mahima ! You don’t have that courage to take your stand. You work on the concepts of diplomacy. And to be happy you have to leave that one moment of diplomacy and be blunt. You will have to choose , today or tomorrow. The day you will rise in my eyes will be the day when you will be completely honest to yourself and others. When you will face your worst fear. The fear of truth. The fear of what people will think. That one act of liberation.
I don’t know about everyone, but i am pretty sure all of us have made mistakes and some of us are making mistakes this very moment too. But it’s not the mistakes that define us, or the flaws. It is that intimidated lie that we tell eveyone as an action to hide that mistake. To become good in front of everyone. That one lie starts a series of lies which eventually dumps us in a pit of depression. Answer me! Why are people depressed?
Guilt! Lies! Burden! Baggage. Heartbreak.
Now imagine being able to get that throw that guilt or baggage out of your system. Out of your own galaxy. Imagine telling the one truth you were afraid to tell. I know we all will have certain people who will leave us upon the knowledge of that one truth. But are they really worth it. The one’s who really love us with all their wit and will stick with us always. No matter what!. Truth prevails. Lies change
I am yet learning my lesson. But i am so sure i am going to tell everyone everything. Because we can only be liberated if we are taken away from that baggage. Stay strong. And have courage to tell the truth. The way out of the labyrinth is to forgive ourselves.
Channel your emotions with honesty.
A beautiful thing i found
What can be better than a cup of hot tea in your hand and running epiphanies in your mind.
Some days you feel so lonely and the others you might feel ecstatic in that solitude. You know , we humans are such twisted people. We can never be satisfied with what we have in our hands ‘right now’ and that is the major loss of our existence. We search for pleasure and journeys . And we think of tomorrow. We are never in the moment. And that is the great cause of our grief. We always picture things but we never actually see them.
You know the bizzare fact is that we crave for ‘plus one’ everytime. And I am not a maths teacher here but But i know of the basics that the constant is always easy to work upon as compared to a variable. Why can we not see the constant. The present. Right now. The pleasure of a present mind.
While i was in school i used to think about the food my mom might be cooking at home. And when i was at home i used to think about what gossips will I discuss tomorrow at school. Why?
I did this beautiful basic course from an organisation. art of living. And it was a life changing experience for me. I have heard people describing the sleep they experienced after smoking up weed . They used to describe it as eternal bliss. The best sleep they have ever had , but me on the other hand , did not even need to get a drug to sleep that well. That experience is for the next article of mine but the vision is here. That course changed me, because it taught me the importance of living in present. My guru there narrated a beautiful story , if i may recall, it was something like this..
“There are 10 people in a room , and that room is on fire. There is no escape. No windows , no doors . Everyone is running here and there to save their life. There are 3 drums of poop in that room and in order to get the protection from fire, one young man jumps imto it and save himself. Two people see him and do the same with the help of the rest two drums. And after a few hours when everyone else is dead and the fire is gone. They come out of that drum of shit. And the most mesmerising thing they feel was happiness , the joy of being alive.”
The moral of the story was that if you can be happy in a drum of shit you can be happy anywhere.
I know we have had our lows and highs. Our pinks and blues . But we must not lose our focus. The purpose is to pass the test put up by the almighty . We are not sent on this beautiful blue planet revolving around a yellow sun to live and die with oblivion. We are here to create memories. To make history. And from innumerable examples we have heard about , we know that the victors of the glory of history were those who made their present their focus. Their short term goals took them to the success they had.
Goodnight happy presentpresent moment thoughts midnightmidnight love reading writing self help life summers inspire
That night. Yes , exactly the night you thought about. The painful , treacherous , soul convulsing night when you prayed that you don’t see another one like this. When you begged to die. Remember that night, when you had your hair in a gigantic mess and your eyes stark red. When you saw yourself in that old mirror and saw no dreams and no future. Remember having all those thoughts about death and afterlife , googling how to die a painful death , calling your parents at 3:00 in the morning just because you can’t hold it anymore. That wretched night when even the ghosts of the darkness don’t seem to scare you, when even your sleep shows no signs of welcoming you in her arms. When you feel nothing but an excruciatingly numbing pain.
. I know you felt that emotional havoc .And i know that you know it has passed. It always passes . That night always becomes the past tense. Just hold yourself together in that night. Because that early morning bliss is not far away. DO NOT QUIT.
It’s just a short effort to help people dealing with self harm and sucidal thoughts.
No. Don’t give up hope just yet. It’s the last thing to go. When you have lost hope, you have lost everything. And when you think all is lost, when all is dire and bleak, there is always hope.
-I am number four
depression help love heartbreak humans pain life lessons
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