(This post is just a personal journal thing. Not many can relate. )
As i start to write this i am thinking how difficult it will be to finish this. After all accepting your own flaws is never the easy way no.
So i am this girl who thinks she is so nice. You know that’s what i thought until last night?. I used to think oh my god i am so kind , god i don’t want to hurt them . I used to think i am so sensitive and vulnerable and heroine of some classic romance. Don’t we all think so at some point.
By something that happened in my life i had a scary disclosure. Scary but towards growth. What is before my eyes is the raw truth. That i am not an idol of goodness, of softness of purity because i have been lying to myself and to the person i love for a very very long time. Whatever reason it might have been back then, it certainly had the power to bring down my home , my hope. And how foolish of me to even think that i am protecting a future!. You know i feel we all just point fingers at each others and get on each others throats without realising we ourselves should suffocate our stupid moral scale. Which is not moral in any aspect. We have to die to these little deaths and face those bigger truths before living actually.
Going to profound details. I had tried to protect a relationship by thinking that i don’t have to talk about things . And i only have one advice, never do that. Never ever. Only ruins things in the end. Oh not ruin like Rome but like decaying in a dump. I used to think that i am being the most understanding person. Haha. I laugh to that now. In the end i ended up hurting the only person who means the world to me
If there is anything you are afraid to say, if there is any talk you are afraid to talk. If there is any things you are afraid to question and if there is any history you haven’t told him yet. Do it babe. He deserves it. You deserve it. I don’t remember a lot of wrongdoings i did. But i understand i was a very misled person back then and so i have decided that whatever it is and whenever i remember things.I’ll tell him. Whenever i feel like the ghost of my past is haunting me i’ll go to my sun. Leave that. It’s 4th July . I mark this day as a day from where things will only be forward and raw. From where he will know everything. Nothing scary is happening now but if it will happen, i’ll not let that storm break us and i’ll not feed him empty and half truths.
It might get difficult someday but don’t give up.
Save your love.
Always save your love.
It is what matters in the end
Not your mistakes.
We are all just drunk on the idea that love can mend our cracks.
Let that love be raw.
Let that love be pure and fearless.